Ain't Being a Guy Grand?

How many times have you caught your self thinking, man, it's nice to be a guy because...

  • Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
  • Your orgasms are real. Always.
  • Your last name stays put.
  • The garage is all yours.
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  • Chocolate is just another snack.
  • You can be president.
  • You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
  • Foreplay is optional.
  • You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  • You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
  • The world is your urinal.
  • Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
  • You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too
    icky.
  • Same work ... more pay.
  • Wrinkles add character.
  • You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
  • Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
  • If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
  • People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  • New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  • Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
  • Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them .
  • Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
  • One mood, ALL the damn time.
  • And don't forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  • You know stuff about tanks.
  • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  • You can open all your own jars.
  • Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
  • You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
  • You can leave the motel bed unmade.
  • You can kill your own food.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
  • If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
  • Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
  • If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
  • Everything on your face stays its original colour.
  • You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are "slightly soiled." Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
  • You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
  • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  • You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
  • You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
  • No maxi-pads.
  • You don't mooch off other's desserts.
  • You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
  • If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
  • You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
  • You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  • You almost never have strap problems in public.
  • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
  • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  • You don't have to shave below your neck.
  • Your belly usually hides your big hips.
  • One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
  • You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
  • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
  • Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Joke Index Back to Joke List